always an echo never the beginning - Rabeyah Nezrin

now that years have passed, I realize what I felt at the height of my passion, is a replica of what I’ve always yearned for

maybe it's not for me, 

i say to cope because I don’t know how to wish for more

visions of paintings that the world has never seen before,

films that show the subtlety of it all, and songs I don't have the talent to compose 

come into my dreams when i don't know how to express what you've done to me

maybe i killed me because i loved you and i love you and i loved you 

and im so greedy i want to love you and i don't think i can bear it, if all of you could not love me back

i don’t want the pieces of a life i could never make myself believe i deserved

i want it all and i love you because you're you

but because you're my mom i don't think you could love me if i could not follow the rules

you've set for your life before you were born.

there are horizons where my dreams and my wishes collide and i would like to experience the waters getting deeper

in all my dreams you are watching me

sometimes you're my mom, sometimes you're the daughter that was arranged to become a wife,

one time you were my friend, but i have wished for you to walk on grounds that did not 

expect you to carry the burdens you breathe like air in your lungs

i've spent so much time in my life wishing wanting hoping despairing and for maybe just a couple minutes in a day

i can remind myself that i can live

i want to keep my notes as memories of a life i lived that i cannot remember as the days go by

instead of remembering how i felt alone i want to remember the notes of delicacy

that were a blanket for me in a household that did not know how to be soft

even when i’m writing about you

i’m writing about me

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Rabeya is an English/Education double major, and she enjoys all forms of creative expression, such as music, painting, and writing. She mostly writes poems, short stories, and songs. She loves to express herself through fashion. She also likes playing video games and watching anime, but doesn’t have a lot of time for them anymore. She writes because it is the only thing she can imagine doing when she can’t explain what she’s thinking, and she loves to understand other people through their writing.