first texts for coincidental tinder matches with your highschool crush - Ruyen Phan

The Q in LGBTQ+ stood for queer or questioning and I used to question whether or not I was queer until I found the answer in the beautifully oval face of the boy I sat next to in 8th period, 11th grade, Mr. Ali's english class. He taught me about ikigai. He could've been my reason for being but I'm the king of missed opportunities. And I miss you. I miss you like Harry missed 

Sally. I miss you like I forgot Your Name. I miss your Fresh Prince ass fade, your pearly white teeth, the way you laugh, do you still laugh the same way? 

I imagined trying on job fair button ups at H&M, cheering for you at track meets. I wanted to see you in the crowd at string light lit punk shows I’ll never be good enough to play at. I think I think about you inbetween handouts stuck into my japanese textbook. I think I think I wanna be your boi every time I listen to PWR BTTM. I think I'd be a good little spoon because I'm 5'4 and I'd have to stand on the tips of my toes to make out with you. 

I need one more day with you, naked, on top of me. You’re dead, your corpse is shambling through my thoughts, your rotted hand intertwined with mine, I’d rub cocoa butter all over your skin to bring you to life. You live as nine digits without a contact photo, you’ll have one if we meet again. And we’ll get ice cream, or paint our nails together, or you’ll taste the tobacco on my lips as I ash my lucky. You’re the answer sheet to lingering questions, a piece of paper, an object I thought I lost in high school. I’m still waiting on your reply.