Family Matters - Tori Wilson (Lovenheim Award Co-Winner)

Elliot stands in the kitchen, filled with dread over the conversation he knows has to happen today. He’s put it off too long already. The crockpot full of smothered

chicken has five minutes left on its timer, so he pops the honey-glazed cornbread into the oven to make sure that everything is ready at the same time.

Everything has to be perfect. His mom has to be in a good mood.

Elliot’s girlfriend, Shae, walks into the kitchen, with newborn baby Milo propped on her hip, looking happy as he can be just to be alive.

Elliot is spared, for a moment, the heaviness of the evening ahead of him by the sight of the two people who make up his entire world.

When he and Shae were first dating, he thought, “I’ve made it. I’ll never be happier than this.” So a year later, when she told him she was pregnant at 22, he didn’t

freak out or worry about what his parents would think of him becoming a father before he became a husband. He just thought, yes—this makes sense. I love this

woman and can’t imagine ever loving anyone else this way. So why wouldn’t we start a family together?

If anything, Shae was the one to freak out. So when they told each of their families, Shae sat next to him, gripping his hand like an anchor, while Elliot eased

everyone’s fears. He’s been training to play the peacemaker role his whole life.

“Yes, we’ll get married,” and “Don’t worry when. That’ll come later,” and “Right now, the baby is our priority.” He answered all of their questions, not doubting for a

second they’d make it. Because that’s what happens when you love someone. You put all your chips on the table.

9 months later, Elliot and Shae still aren’t married, but he has a ring picked out that he knows she’ll love. He’s just waiting for the right moment to pop the

question. Looking at her now, with the lip gloss and mascara she put on for his mother’s sake slightly smeared above her eyelid, he can’t help but smile. It looks

terrible, but she’s always beautiful, and he appreciates the gesture too much to tell her. Neither of them has had a good night’s sleep since the baby was born,

which has made them both more irritable than usual. As any smart man would, Elliot understands that now is not the right time to ask him to marry her. At least

not if he wants the answer to be yes.

The crockpot timer goes off at the same time the doorbell rings, and Elliot and Shae share a look that says, well, here goes nothing. Shae gets the timer, while

Elliot gets the door. He opens it to see his mother standing with a tupperware full of cornbread in one hand and her purse in the other.

Elliot’s face falls. “I told you I was making cornbread, Ma.”

“Please,” she dismisses, passing by him. “Just think of these as a backup in case yours don’t turn out good.”

Elliot laughs despite himself. “Are you insinuating I’m a bad cook?”

His mother would never admit this to his face, so instead she says, “Didn’t I teach you it’s proper etiquette to never show up empty-handed?”

Shae comes in from the kitchen to join the debate. “Wine, Gina,” she says with a knowing smile. “That would’ve been more appropriate.”

Her eyes light up when she sees Milo. “Oh, yes!” She takes Milo from Shae to raise him in the air. “I forgot someone hasn’t had a proper drink in 9 months.”

She says to Milo, “And that’s all because of you, little man. Do you know what your mother gave up for you?” Of course Milo cannot comprehend anything that’s

going on right now, but this story will be recounted to him over and over through his childhood, and at no point will he understand what his mother gave up for

him.

But the answer is simple really. What does a mother give up for her son? Only everything.

Elliot takes the cornbread from his mother and puts them onto a platter, leaving behind his own cornbread creation, despite the fact that he spent all week

looking for the perfect recipe to please his mother.

Forever the peacemaker.

Shae helps him set the table, while Gina plays with Milo. A first-time grandmother. She is thrilled. Thrilled that she can hold him, watch his tiny toes wiggle, and

then give him back to his parents after she’s had her fun.

At the same time, Shae and Elliot, being first-time parents, are just thrilled for grandparents. Thrilled that someone else can handle the chaos long enough for

them to catch their breath.

While they eat, they discuss the usual dinner topics. Gina asks Shae about breastfeeding and sleep schedules. Elliot asks Gina about her job as a teacher for the

local high school. And because she’s his mother, Gina asks Elliot when he’s going to propose.

Elliot blushes. “Alright Ma,” he stands up from the table. “I think that’s my cue to do the dishes.”

“I’m just saying,” Gina shrugs. “The baby is born now, things aren’t going to get any cheaper.”

Shae laughs and pretends to scold Gina, but Elliot recognizes it’s fake, and knows it’s for his sake. He shakes his head at the both of them and clears the table to

start on dishes. After a while, Gina walks into the kitchen too, and as Elliot washes the dishes, she takes on the task of drying them.

They’re both reminded of a time when it was Elliot and someone else teaming up to do the dishes. How the two boys would compete to see if one could wash

faster than the other could dry. Their eyes meet for a second, and they each see the shared memory pass in an instant, but it’s gone so fast, that once they look

away, they’ll each question whether it was ever even there at all.

“So Ma,” Elliot starts nervously. “I’ve been meaning to run something by you.”

“Hmm?” Gina responds absentmindedly, drying the dishes.

“You know the christening is next week, and we really want the whole family there.”

“Did you reach out to your cousins Donnie and Nicole?” she cuts in. “Apparently they went on some kind of couples retreat in the woods last week. One of those

“zen” trips where they don’t let you use your phones.”

“Yeah, Ma. I invited them. They told me about the trip before the birth. That’s why we’re having it a week later than expected.”

“Good,” she nods. “Nothing more important than family.”

Gina says this, but what she actually means is that nothing is more important than loyalty. And families aren’t always loyal. Once loyalty is broken, it’s like a

broken plate. You can glue the pieces back together if you want, but you’ll never eat from it again without noticing the cracks.

Elliot knows this, which is why he’s so nervous when he says, “I’m inviting Micah to come.”

Gina’s towel stops moving. The expression on her face doesn’t change, but Elliot can feel her entire body turn stiff beside him. An entire minute goes by where

Elliot’s mother doesn’t move at all, and for a second, he worries he’s sent her into a stroke. But, then she resumes drying the dishes, as if the lapse never

happened.

Elliot is unnerved by her nonchalance.“Can you say something, Ma?”

She simply asks, “Is he coming?”

“He hasn’t RSVP’d yet,” Elliot admits. “But you know, mail takes a bit longer to get up there. We probably should’ve sent out the invite earlier.”

“You’re not used to having to send mail so far,” Gina points out.

“Right,” Elliot says, realizing his mother’s subtle jab, but not taking the bait.

Elliot notices that his mother has now been drying the same dish for 3 minutes, and worries that it’s getting to a point where the paint’s going to rub off.

Shae peeks her head into the kitchen because she knew this conversation was going to happen and what kind of girlfriend would she be if she didn’t check in to

monitor the temperature of a moment like this?

Shae mouths, “What’s happening?” and Elliot shakes his head. “I don’t know,” he mouths back. Shae offers to help, but Elliot shakes her off, to which she makes

the “praise God” face, and they both laugh at their shared childishness. And how special is it that she can make him laugh at a time like this? Shae goes to put

Milo down for a nap, and Elliot wishes he could go with her, but he knows he has to stay and finish this conversation. He’s been around his mother long enough to

know that silence is never a good thing, and she’s going on almost five minutes.

“Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours, Ma,” he says

“I’m not thinking anything,” she murmurs.

Elliot’s shoulders slump and he shifts beside her, rubbing his hands together.

They both know they’ve reached a standstill. The only question is, who’s going to be the one to push the other over the edge.

“C’mon Ma,” Elliot tries again. “Are you mad? Sad? Confused? Just talk to me.”

She sighs. “How would you like me to feel, Elliot?”

He lets out a breath through his nose. “Really, Ma? Your whole attitude just shifted, and now we’re going to pretend it didn’t. Is that what you want to do? You

think that’s fair?” Gina finally puts the towel and the plate down. “If you want to invite your brother, Elliot, I’m not going to stop you.” She wipes her hands on the

towel again, even though they’re already dry. “Actually, you’ve already invited him. Without considering how it might make me feel. So go ahead. Stand there and

pretend my opinion matters if it’ll help you sleep better at night.”

Elliot opens his mouth. “Ma—”

”No,” she shakes her head. “I don’t know how you want me to feel. I don’t know what reaction would make you happy. Because frankly, this is the last thing I

thought you’d do to me.”

Elliot sinks his head into his hand. He’s supposed to be the peacemaker. Neither one of them is sure how to react when he goes off script.

Gina continues. “Tell me, Elliot, what exactly is my correct response to hearing that you’ve invited him back into this house?” Her jaw tightens. “He may as well be

a stranger. I haven’t seen or spoken to him in five years. He left this town, and everything in it, without so much as a goodbye.”

Elliot thinks he sees tears forming behind his mother’s eyes, but he’d never say that out loud.

“And after everything that happened that year, he still left,” she says. “I lost so much. And he knew what leaving would do to me. After everything between your

father and that girl, and with the school—my school, where I’ve had to show my face every single day since? We were supposed to stay together. Families stay

together.”

Both of their hearts break all over again. Five years is a long time to stay mad at someone. But Elliot isn’t sure whether his mother is more hurt that Micah left, or

that she thought leaving meant choosing their father’s side.

“I love that boy, Milo.” She pauses. “And I’ll be damned if I let your brother ruin such a special day for him. Or for this family.”

Elliot knew it was useless for him to argue that Micah was also a part of this family. His abandonment hurt everyone. He was simply just Elliot’s brother now.

“Look, Ma,” Elliot says. “I don’t want to upset you. And honestly, he might not even show up. I just thought you should know.”

“Do y’all talk often?” she asks.

He shakes his head, “Not much. I mean, a few times here and there throughout the year. Birthdays, anniversaries, that kind of thing.”

He doesn’t tell her that Micah sends him periodical updates on their father every now and then. It would only upset her.

“I’ll never forgive him, you know,” Gina says.

Elliot hangs his head, “Yeah, Ma. I know.” He doesn’t tell her that Micah feels the same way about her.

“But he should want to come,” Gina considers. “For Milo’s sake. It’s the least he could do, really. But he shouldn’t expect a warm homecoming.”

Of course not, Elliot thinks. Because family is everything. Until it’s not.