Keep Spinning - Anthony Gutierrez Hiciano (UHS Runner Up)

I have a lot of friends. I like my friends. They like me too. Mommy tells me to be careful and have fun at school. I like having fun. I don’t know why she says to be careful, though. I hear it a lot around the house. “Be careful with the food, it’s hot," or “Be careful, don’t touch sharp things”. I laugh at her and tell her that I’m always careful and know how to care for myself. I’m a big boy now. Today, she said to be careful of a silly thing. She knelt down to me and held me close by the shoulders, gripping my hand tightly with her free hand.

“Mí hijo, you know I love you very much, right?” She looked at me carefully. I nodded happily.

“Yes, Mommy. Yo se.” Her hands are rough and scarred and bigger than mine. Maybe she fought sharks.

“Be careful today at school. Those stickers I got you…” She pauses with a breath. “Just listen to me. No matter what happens, the world will keep spinning. And you have to keep spinning too. Entiendes?” I nodded, though I didn’t know what she meant at all. I don’t wanna spin. It makes me dizzy, and then I throw up. Throwing up hurts.

“What does that mean, Mommy?” She gripped my hand and chuckled softly, smiling.

“When you’re older, you’ll understand. Now, have fun at school mí amor”. She stands, ruffling my hair. I like it when she does that.

I liked 3rd grade. In my class, everybody is my friend. Jaime sits behind me and throws little paper balls at my head and it makes me laugh. Benny sits next to me and draws little pictures, usually circles with a face on them. He shows me and says, “This is you.” It’s not as funny sometimes because he sticks them on my desk and points at me, but I don’t mind because he’s my friend. Maria sits in front of me and whispers to Damion to her right. They look at each other, and then at me. I think they’re talking about my new My Little Pony stickers. I like them a lot. I like sharing with my friends, too. I get up and walk to Maria and Damion.

“Do you guys want stickers?” I smile wide. Maria stares at me, looks at Damion, then giggles. She looks back at me and puts her hand out.

“Sure, Nick. Gimme one” She sneered. I nod excitedly and hand her my favorite character. I hope Spike is her favorite character too. She takes the sticker and swats her hand at me to go. I walk back to my desk and watch her to see what she does with my sticker, my eyes start straining from staring at her hand where I placed the Spike sticker. I watch as she balls her fist and opens it, letting the ruined sticker fall to the floor. I feel sad. I thought my friends would like my sticker. Maybe she doesn’t like Spike. I feel so stupid. I should’ve given her Pinkie Pie.

After class, Maria stands alone at the classroom closet, digging in her bag. I go to her, holding my things between my legs. I look up at her nervously.

“Maria?” My voice cracks. “Did you not like the Spike sticker? I-I’m sorry. He’s my favorite, a-and I thought you’d like him too. My mommy always says to share with my friends. I thought that was-” Maria puts her hand in my face, interrupting me. It smelled weird, like my socks after gym class.

“We’re not friends, Nick. Never ever. Damion is my friend.” I feel much more sad than when she crumpled my sticker. I look down at the floor. Maybe it wasn’t good enough for her.

“What…did I do wrong?” My throat feels big like something is inside. That happens a lot. I don’t like that feeling. I try to swallow the feeling away.

“What didn’t you do wrong? You’re weird. You’re a boy. Boys don’t like My Little Pony. That’s for girls, like me. My brother says boys who like girly things are gay. Are you gay, Nick?” I don’t understand anything she says. I thought gay meant happy. Her wall of questions makes me feel little and alone. I don’t like feeling so little or alone. I just wanted to make her happy with my stickers. I open my mouth to speak. It’s dry—tears well in my eyes.

“M-My sister likes My Little Pony. I love my sister. We watch it together. I’m sorry” I start crying. I hate crying. It’s worse than my Mommy making me eat steamed broccoli. I watch as my tears drop onto my shoes. I turn away from Maria and walk back to my seat. It feels like when I had to use the bathroom all alone for the first time. I wanted someone to hold my hand. I cry softly at my desk. I’m supposed to be a big boy now, but I don’t feel like one.

Lunchtime is here. My favorite part of school. It’s right before Mommy comes and picks me up. I’m really excited to go home. Today was not a very good day. I trot into the cafeteria with my Monsters Inc. lunchbox. I scan the room, spotting Maria and Damion together. My first thought is to sit with them, but I think they’re mad at me because I gave them the wrong stickers. I don’t think I want to be friends with them anymore. I turn to my left, walking to a table by myself. I stare at my lunchbox, considering throwing away my stickers. I don’t want to be weird. I toss the sticker book to the other side of the table, crossing my arms and burying my head in them, crying again. I wonder if big boys are allowed to cry. It’s the only thing I know how to do right now. Then, a soft, curious voice speaks from behind me.

“Nick? Are you okay?” The voice muttered. I look up. The voice is my favorite friend Sophia. She’s my favorite because she’s the opposite of me, and I only see her during lunch. I like talking to lots of people. She hides away and speaks to a few. She’s different. I like that. Mommy always taught me different is okay. Like how people come in all different colors! I have yet to see a blueberry man, tho. I shake my head at Sophia, wiping my puffy eyes.

“Am I weird?” I mumbled. Her eyes widened. They were always funny looking in her glasses. They made them look big, like a bug. A really beautiful bug.

“Yeah, but so what? Everybody’s weird.” She furrowed her eyebrows. I shook my head in response.

“You’re not weird. You’re cool. You have the Sketchers I want, and the new DS game.” I pout, looking away at my hands. She scoots closer to me which makes me a little nervous. My hand starts to get sticky. She takes my sticky hand and squeezes it.

“I like monster trucks. And knights, and video games.” She peeks her head down to my eyes. I look up at her. My heart is going pa-dum pa-dum really fast now, like when I play tag with my sister.

“So, even you’re weird?” I whispered. She smiled wide, her shiny braces showing. “Even me.” She whispered back. I smiled wide, my regular teeth showing.

I look over at the sticker packet on the other side of the table and pick it up, peeling one of Fluttershy off and sticking it to her cheek. It makes us laugh. Sophia is my favorite friend lunch because I can be weird with her. She takes a sticker of Spike and puts it on my forehead.

“Let’s be weird. Together.” I smiled. For the rest of lunch, I shared everything with her like Mommy had always taught me to. I also think I get why she always tells me to be careful, and why she told me this morning to keep spinning. She doesn’t want me accidentally giving my friends the Spike sticker when they wanted the Pinkie Pie one.