Sacrifice - Kathryn Vanderoef
And so it may be clear,
The telephone never rang and you were never here
Articulating the horror that consumed the hotline
Was never an alibi to a sound mind
Corner me, strip me, fuck me,
Take these wrists with angry hands
May it all be in vain as I will corner you too
And I will make it hurt and every blow will land
Excluding the jobs you made me do
Violent, covered in violence and more violence
Behold, everything has been condensed for you
For the denizens will ring the bells,
Calling for a sacrifice to commit to hell
And there will be drums and there will be horns
Oh, come forth—tonight he will be reborn!
Forked tongue slobbering, he will seek you out
Pissed at your careless attempt to become disavowed
Strangely the strangler is now a straggler
In danger
Taunting, jaunty, haunted
They raise their fists demanding throats to be slit
Goats and fair maidens
Tonight they make love in this fiery haven
The masked man with his behemoth of an axe
Drags you to the stands
Hear them now laugh
Do I join them?
Pantsed and straddled, he did unto to you
Done unto others, your actions deemed true
I do not think I can join them.
Out of your mouth is a song I have heard many times
Of tortured grunts and screams and pleas
There could have been sympathy,
Instead, you create a monster
In a fury, with a knife
Or blade of small size,
One by one they were to get out of my way
Down they go, they do not even sway
Wanting only a path toward the dais
And the man, his axe to your throat
Blood on your thighs
This is not how you will meet your demise
And the man, thrusts, giddy to no measure
Justifying my pain and my fear, and all that I have lost to you and then it is clear
He will not be the one to enact it
Because this is not how I envisioned your punishment
So what is another life taken?
Wielding a different blade
The man goes limp inside of you
And you, the other man
Your screaming stops
And now we’re both damned
There, in your eyes
Blank, unresponsive and brutalized
Cover my mouth, stifle it down
Resisting fate’s temptation to forgive
As forgiving is not forsaking
And you are forsaken
Something not quite human—not alive nor dead
Now you are free, reborn like they said
Walking away with my chains,
A new path appears beyond the gates
Illuminating braziers ahead
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Kathryn Vanderoef is a now graduated student from U-Albany with a Bachelor’s Degree in English. She likes to write about sexuality, externalism, and writing itself as an art, as it’s always what has come the most naturally. These are also darker themes that feel like the more you write about them, the more you unravel their secrets.