Smoke and Mirrors - Sri Nath Kurup

Hey! My name is Sri Nath Kurup, and I am a rising Sophomore from Spring Valley, New York, with a major in Political Science, intended concentration in Criminal Law, and intended minor in Philosophy and Law. I am a huge fan of storytelling, and from poetry to creative writing, to Dungeons & Dragons, you can catch me writing and narrating. On campus, I’m a member of Phenomenal Voices, Mock Trial, and of course ARCH! In my free time, I’m reading where it’s sunny under a pretty little tree, or chatting with friends while watching a show. I am inspired to write by the belief that every story holds a world of experience. By sharing them we move these worlds into reality, reflecting the parallels of our own lives and helping people who need to see themselves through such an auspice, not a mirror.

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Social skills are hard to hone

Especially so far from home

And I don’t think what I have so far

Is socialization with which I’d ever be on par

With the rest of these clowns

In the funhouse

You can call it that because I act like it’s fun

Different mirrors and contortions

And when I step inside I feel like a different person

every way I turn

And when I step out it’s more like a trap house

Maybe because I’m trapped, maybe because the props the clowns and I use tend to be watery

wine and solid liquor

I know there’s a phase missing but I can only tell

When the house is full of smoke

Smoke and mirrors

There’s something to be said about

Having too much fun impacting my health

Breaking my lungs and choking me out

For spending more time with clowns that aren’t really there.

It’s entertaining, watching them juggle their thoughts and their words, sober and drunk,

But they don’t do it for me,

And every time I laugh I laugh at my twisted symbolism

And I take it in against my body’s will

Fighting asthma with my apathy of my primary personhood

And fill my lungs with hunger and joy and smoke and pain

Maybe I double down on the traphouse vibe and text that guy with cocaine

Or maybe I extricate myself from the clowns

But at the end of that I’d be out of a house

However it may look.

So I keep hurting myself in order to fit in

Trapped in a loop

Like social circles

When I really only wanted something linear

Like a line of us on a couch

Two lines facing one another at the dinner table

I don’t think it means I don’t like whatever parties bring

I don’t think it means I don’t like everyone else I hang out with

And I know it doesn’t mean I don’t like whiskey and vodka and a tequila sunrise

But I don’t want it to be the only sunrise I ever watch with the ones I love

And I can’t do it staring at myself

So maybe I should take that breath of fresh air

And I need to take some time from

The Smoke and Mirrors