Loving The Thought - Sri Nath Kurup
Hey! My name is Sri Nath Kurup, and I am a rising Sophomore from Spring Valley, New York, with a major in Political Science, intended concentration in Criminal Law, and intended minor in Philosophy and Law. I am a huge fan of storytelling, and from poetry to creative writing, to Dungeons & Dragons, you can catch me writing and narrating. On campus, I’m a member of Phenomenal Voices, Mock Trial, and of course ARCH! In my free time, I’m reading where it’s sunny under a pretty little tree, or chatting with friends while watching a show. I am inspired to write by the belief that every story holds a world of experience. By sharing them we move these worlds into reality, reflecting the parallels of our own lives and helping people who need to see themselves through such an auspice, not a mirror.
***
I had to love the thought of you because you
Were never mine at all
I have to hold my own hand because
You only had the gall
To pretend that you cared
More than the magnitude of your fear
And you told me you were scared
But I don’t see that here
No now it’s a part of you
A part of what you are
OR it’s a part of what I made of you
What you stole from my spirit, my soul, and my heart
And in return, you left me my voice
And I guess, you have my thanks
Because when I was your prisoner
silence was my only choice
I am not silent
I have always spoken my mind
But it’s only after the riots have quelled
And the tears have run dry
That I
Can see that I
Never felt
Like I
When we were
WE
I fear your passing passion for action
Doing what little you can to meet my satisfaction
But I’m certainly not satisfied
With all your broken promises and your half-assed lies?
You thought you broke me down but I aint weak I’m wise
Wise to the fact that you won’t compromise
Wise to the fact you’re doing all of this? Just to get a rise
You tried to take every part of what I had
But I can not hold you to blame
Because why wouldn’t you?
When you were like that, and I was like this?
You must have won with every kiss
Felt strong in your authority
Over the trophy you held with such audacity
Like I didn’t have the legs to get up and leave
Just because I chose you?
Because I lowered my standards
To reach to the ground
Picked you up like a precious stone
Calling you my rock
When I can now knock
You from skin to bone?
Fall away like dirt
And kick about in gravel as you grovel
For that very hand you never held
Why did I
Wish to chain myself to earth
When I was meant to fly
To SOAR
to ROAR
Why did I not take off after your first lie
Why did it take so long for my infatuation to die
And so now we’re here
Finally communicating crystal clear
But now I’m yelling, yeah I made a scene
I’m caught red-handed and your record’s clean
But
You swore on your mother
You never were with another
And you tiptoe around
The truth that I found
But I’m tired of the facade
And playing house with a fraud
When I know for a fact
I never needed that
You can’t marry the idea
Of someone no you marry who they are
And I saw who you might be in my future
But then again...
I never could see that far
But now the future looks a little brighter
Because I found someone new
And I am tired of loving the thought of you
Through every storm and every squall
I have to love
The thought of me
Because
I was never really yours
At
All