I Wish I Could - Mackenzie Bennett

Whenever I think about—

No. Erase that thought.

Erase it. Bury it. Burn it.

I don’t care—just get rid of it.

If only I could. If only

It was that easy. That simple.

Do you understand?

Instead of releasing it I let it brand my skin

And sink into my bones

as if it was my burden to carry.

As if the fault lies with me

And not with you.

I took what you did

And let it decide my worth.

The words, No one will love you

Seared into my flesh.

I tried to carve it out

But I buried it deep.

My shovel couldn’t reach.

You understand?

I can’t forget.

I wish I could.

I wish I could make you understand.

This sinking of my chest

And how it tightens with every breath.

How my stomach wrenches,

Burns. And the way my heart pounds,

thrashes around like a rat trapped in a cage.

Bound in chains that you created.

Could you hear my mind screaming?

Echoing in that silence

I begged. I begged my limbs to move.

I felt the words “no” and “stop” rise in my throat

But my lips cemented.

My mind screamed.

Leave

Get up

I stayed.