better - Carly Burczak

too observant, keeping you honest, needing a good fuck and wanting me to tell you.

new girl, relationship advice, you want me to meet her and tell you what i think.

3 hours and you’re saying: i think you should give me a call if you’re like, 30 and still a virgin.

im desirable and intellectual and your best friend. i’m all those things anyway. 

it doesn't make my heart inconsolable anymore, and i’m doing better. 

i’m doing better, i’m doing better. i’m doing 

better. a little happiness dissolves abundance. 

im forgetting people. im forgetting to eat. 

we talk in circles, straight lines, and crosses. it’s almost easter and i’m laid bare by circumstance.

will you come to my wedding? have you ever been in love? 

fuck you. get off the cross. 

if you two ever met you’d kill each other, but i’ll be selfish. 

i want the first pull of the trigger 

set close enough to see recognition in the green reflected back at me. 

i want it personal. 

i want it detached. 

i want it like crying on the balcony while you sleep and apologizing when you wake.

like asking about sexual fantasies and pretending we haven’t thought about the other.

like you can hate me, if you feel like. 

—————- 

you asked to see me smoke and all we’ve ever been is clear with each other so i exhaled at the camera. this mirror isn’t the same. 

cigarettes taste different now. 

watch him open his mouth, letting me in. 

everything is better in contradiction. 

i’m doing better.