I Bet You They Will - Tiffany Stennett
The scene opens with a 21 year old Maddy and 22 year old David. Maddy and David accidentally got locked in a closet at their job while trying to look for a mop . Maddy and David hate each other. Maddy and David are also exes coming out of their 2 year long relationship.
Maddy: You know what, David...
David: What, Madison?
Maddy: This??? ALL your fault. Like literally entirely your fault!
David: How the fuck is any of this my fault? I didn't tell you to come with me to get the stupid–
Maddy: SAVE IT!!! I honestly don't wanna hear another one of your stupid excuses right now. I'm locked in a disgustingly moldy and germy storage closet all because you're like obsessed with me or something!
David: Obsessed? Madiso-
Maddy: STOP calling me Madison!! Call me Maddy like everyone else, you don't get special privileges because we used to sleep together.
David: Youre saying used to as if it wasn't literally two weeks ago-
Maddy: OHHHHHHH MY GOOOOOOOD ... JUST SHUT UP! God, you're actually gonna give me a migraine.
David: You’re gonna give yourself a migraine arguing with me over nothing Madis- (clears throat)... I mean Maddy.
[Maddy gives him a stinky look and rolls her eyes] [Beat.]
Look Maddy... I’m sorry.
Maddy: For breaking up with me or for getting us locked in this closet?
David: The closet, of course.
Maddy:... I wonder what your head would look like in that bucket.
David: You see that... that right there- that's it!
Maddy: What’s it?
David: Your attitude, Maddy! That's why we're not together.
Maddy: Oh, I beg to differ-
David: Then what is the reason?
Maddy: I hate to be the one to tell you this but... your ocean lacks motion.
David: Excuse me?
Maddy: Your carrot does not Caress me.
David: Can you not sound like an idiot for two seconds and speak to me like you actually want me to get what your sayi-
Maddy: THE SEX WAS MID!!!!! THERE- I said it... whew, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest
David: Oh you mean the dead weight has been lifted off your chest, you pestilential pillow princess.
Maddy: What does pest... pist..
David: Illiterate too! Yeah, that's what you are. I hope you know that the motion I have couldn’t rock your boat cause it was always ANCHORED TO THE BED! I mean where is the spice woman???? You wanna complain when you literally lay on your back and do nothing... and make me do all the heavy lifting!!! I mean you're just ridiculous Madison!
Maddy: I don’t wanna rack up my mileage.
David: I'm not a car Madison... I’m a man...
Maddy: ... Man... right...
David: You know what, since you hate me so much, just grab that bleach in the corner and waterboard me.
Maddy: Look David-
David: No Maddy, I don't wanna hear it okay. I broke up with you because me and you could never agree, whether it was in the bedroom, a restaurant, a fucking job? We don’t go. I wanted us to be together. Trust me I did, but this?? I can’t do it. So just leave it alone and shut up and wait for someone to come get us out of this shithole.
Maddy: Dav-
David: And spare me the ten minute drama that you're about to spew out right now because honestly, I don’t wanna hear it. I may not be your man anymore, but I’m still a man and what I'm not gonna do is sit here and argue with a woman over some irrelevant bullshit. So just can it, Madison.
Maddy:... That was hot.
David: [David smiles] You're literally mental
[They both laugh]
David: Could we at least be friends, Maddy, Please.
Maddy: Of course Dee, friends always...
[ a long moment of silence and a hug is exchanged between the two]
[Janitor Stevens bust into the closet, breaking the hug and the
moment between the two]
Janitor Stevens: Oh shit... they're back together again, somebody owes me 20 bucks.
David: What the hell? You knew we were in here the whole time?
Janitor: Hell yeah! And I just won me an Andrew Jackson.
Maddy: Slow your roll bud, we're not together, we're just friends.
Janitor: Huh you don’t say... Welp they don't need to know that. You all keep shut until I spend my money. I'm gonna get some sugar greens.
Maddy: He means Sweetgreen? Right?
David: I think he does...
David and Maddy: right... right.
[Janitor exits]
David: Hey Mads?
Maddy: Yeah?
David: What if... we did get back... together? Maybe not like today but, one day... in the future... possibly?
Maddy: Give me some time to undock my boat, then I'll get back to you on that one.
Tiffany Stennett is a Junior at University at Albany SUNY. Her first published work was a poem called "Just like Dough" that she wrote in the 6th grade. She is an English major with passions for creative writing such as poems, monologues, plays, and other literary pieces. Tiffany has aspirations to eventually become an immigration lawyer and to write a movie or show of her own.