Write without the I, Tyler Jones

Characters:

• I

• Pen

• Pencil

• Paper

• Pessimistic Penman

• Optimistic Orator

I is sitting at the table trying to write something with his Pen, Pencil, and Paper.

Pessimistic Penman: And he will fail.

I: I will not.

Pessimistic Penman: He lied to himself.

I: I am not!

Paper: I am lying here, waiting! Put pen or pencil to me and stop being prolongedly pensive.

Pen: I’m running out of ink here.

Pencil: At least you can’t erase me.

Pen: If you’re a wuss

Pencil: Way to be a sourpuss.

Paper: My patience is paper thin! I’m having an existential crisis. I only exist to be written on.

Pessimistic Penman: Or in this case thrown away.

I: Where is that voice coming from?

Pessimistic Penman: I’m you.

I: You’re I?

Pessimistic Penman: Yes, you suck.

I: I don’t lie.

Optimistic Orator: Stop being so pessimistic.

Pessimistic Penman: I can’t, it’s in my name.

I: There is no pessimism in I.

Pessimistic Penman: Aye, but there is an I in pessimistic.

Optimistic Orator: There is also an I in optimistic.

I: I feel I am both.

Paper: Please put pen or pencil to me, I am perfectly plain.

Pen: Stop being so shiftless! Scrawl some permanent pen on that philosophical paper.

Paper: I only have one use! I am being useless!

I: Me too.

Paper: This isn’t about you…or maybe it is! I don’t know anything; I’m drawing a blank.

Pessimistic Penman: Your writing is going to suck.

Optimistic Orator: Or maybe it won’t.

Pessimistic Penman: STOP FILLING UP HIS EMPTY GLASS!

Paper: Fill me up instead! I have lines that need to be filled, I’m fuming like a volcano filled with possibilities.

I: That sounds dangerous. I’m done with writing and ideas. I must throw you away, empty.

I gets up and throws Paper away in the garbage.

Paper (getting thrown in the garbage): NOOOOOOOOOOO, I’M TOO BLANK TO DIE, I NEVER LIVED!

Pencil: I’m going to miss Paper. Now, why do I exist?

Pen: And why I?

I: Why me?

Pessimistic Penman: Yes, why you. Why do you even try?

Optimistic Orator: All you can do is try. Trying is the hardest part.

I: What if I fail?

Pessimistic Penman: NEWSFLASH! You totally will, you’re a failure!

I: I am? Before I even try?

Pessimistic Penman: Yes, before you even try.

I: Then I might as well try.

I goes into the garbage and takes out the blank crumpled Paper.

Paper: I get to exist for a purpose!

Pen and Pencil: And we’re both here to try to help.

Pessimistic Penman (fading to a whisper): How could this happen…

I starts writing alternating between Pen and Pencil onto Paper, all four happy to try.

Optimistic Orator: Sometimes trying is all we have.