Untitled, Ian Maul

Walk on the wet grass and feel the dew on your feet. You’re walking barefoot; this is how it’s

supposed to be. You have no destination in mind, yet you know exactly where you’re going.

Your body moves at a steady pace while your mind tries to catch up. The leaves have fallen off

the trees; you think to yourself there must be a metaphor there. Time is running out. Your body

picks up the pace while your mind collapses. The sun peeks through the horizon and you know

time is fleeting. You walk through the town that lets you down more times than you can count.

The playground you use to spend all your hours at is now rusted over. You don’t have much time,

but you decide to stop there. Just one more time. You sit at the swings and reminisce on all that’s

been lost. These swings were beautiful once; vibrance is now rusted metal. You were beautiful

once, until you met this world for what it really is. The sun is a little higher now. You leave the

playground and look back on a sight you’ll never see again. You remind yourself to keep

walking; it’s not too much further. The streets are quiet, that’s what you wanted. No one should

see you like this. Further down the road you see a man. Pay no mind to him asking for change;

you’re probably worse off than him. The sidewalk is cracked, everyone complains yet no one

cares enough to fix it. You carefully maneuver around every crack; you should never step on

something that’s broken. The sun is even higher, but darkness still surrounds you.

Even on the brightest day, it never seems to go away. As you walk, your mind suddenly becomes alive again.

You think about everything that brought you here. You think of all the words she said to you

during the fight. You remember how much it hurt when she walked out that front door. You think

of the ringing of the phone and how every single call went to voicemail. You hear it all in your

head. You’re always thinking of her. You wonder if she is looking down on you right now. You

wonder what she would think of you. You push all those thoughts out of your mind; there’s no

need to dwell on the things you can’t change. Your destination is just ahead. You wish you could

just put your mind on autopilot, but those thoughts rattle your brain and sink deeper into your

mind. Every single decision you have ever made in your life is weighing on your conscience.

You wish things could be different, but they’re not. You know things will never be okay again.

The bridge is statuesque in front of you. It must be over a hundred years old. You ascend the hill;

your thoughts getting louder and louder. You reach the top of the bridge; you can feel the wind

blowing on your face. It hurts and wraps around you like a blanket, except you feel no warmth.

You stumble toward the edge and look down. You steady yourself. You look below and see the

ocean. The ocean is as dark as your mind, and as deep as your thoughts. You take a step, then

another. You keep walking until there’s no more steps left to take. At least now you get to be

with mom.